I was sitting here thinking....and have come to the realization that people are not going to understand where it is I am coming from over what I have written.  Why?  Cause they still don't know the type of person I am... they know nothing about me.  Sure they have a list of things I like to do. They have a name, age, gender and approximately the area in which I live.  Those who have read my previous Xanga's should know  "I AIN'T EASY"  but what else do they really know?

Well, talking about me is something I rarely do. I am the type of person who would rather talk about you, get to know you.... the elderly are my favorite.  For they have so many things to say about the past and their experiences.  But today I guess, I am going to try and find a way where you, as the reader, will get to know who I am.  What I am all about. That way, in reading past Xanga's and future Xanga's, you'll get a much better view of why I feel the way I do...... makes sense, no?

Hmmm, well I was raised to be a prim and proper young lady.  And that I am most definately....  For I believe you get a lot more respect and attract all sorts of different kind of people.  At times I have scared a few people off as they feel that I'm unapproachable.  Not saying that come across in a negative manner but I've been told I don't fall in the same "class" that they do. Ok, now I sound snobby, but get to know me... I am far from snobby.  Something I value and hold very dear is the respect I am given and the respect I give to others.

Family always comes first then my true friends. I will bend over backwards to help those in need even if I have to go without.  Making things easier on them so they are happier is always something that makes me happy. 

I am faithful and find that I have faith in humanity. By that I mean that should a person do me wrong in anyway, I tend to forgive and forget and give them another chance... afterall, they are human!  Furthermore, I don't think just because one person did "this" another person is surely to do the same.  Everyone is different and nobody is labelled.  I am quite sincere.... especially when it deals with matters of the heart. I try to give others a different outlook on things should they be asking for advise.

I was also raised to be proud of who I am.  Having a Chinese mother and German father -which makes me Eurasian, though I like to think of it as Chinapean- I tend to look as Native to others.  Though I am NOT a racist, being asked if I am Native does bother me.  I don't see people as black, white, yellow, red, brown etc... I see them for who they are..... a man, woman or a child.  Maybe, I am color blind.  I very well could be... did you know the sky is not blue?  I value people and their opinion at times as life is very short and their input on things could be an asset to me.

I am a PERFECTIONIST.... whew I spelt that right (never mind, it is an inside joke).  This page about me is going to be overlooked however.... perfecting it would be far too much of a task.... so I guess that makes me lazy but I am not really.  I am simply too tired to deal with it now.... :)

I am very much trusted.  I would never speak behind your back nor tell anyone things you have told me in confidence.  I would never cheat on a person - because that is just wrong and I don't need the labelling.  I'm strong enough to tell a person when things are not working out... I respect them enough to let them go and carry on with life as I find it to be too short as it is.

  I do get angry, but it does take alot, if this should happen and it is you that I am angry with, the worst thing you could do is walk away ( I might wanna say something to clear my thoughts and have anger done with) the second thing you could do wrong is stick around ( for I might be so angry,  you just gotta get out of my face for a bit)  LMAO how do you handle this one?  Wish I could help you... for I don't even know.  

I find that I am strong inside and I've been taught tremendous courage because of my son.  The relationship (his father and I) wasn't a good one and Shayne made me see and understand things weren't going to get any better. He is truly the best thing that could have ever happened to me.  I was blessed the very day he was born and I thank my stars that I had it easy when it came to raising him. He is now 14 and is supposed to be giving me a hard time but hasn't.  I honestly don't think he will either.  He has began grade 9 this year and has had his first reporting period.  His grades have always been very good. They still are. He makes me very proud and I feel that I am the lucky one to have him in my life.

I am a very giving person and I like that.....  I am extremely understanding, just don't come up with a lame excuse for something.  Be upfront. I am cool with it. I say it like it is, and never beat around the bush about anything!

I do fear hurting the feelings of others....... I do fear spiders like you wouldn't believe, ( actually I fear all bugs that pretty much breathe)  I am not too crazy about heights but will try to over come that fear.  There is alot out there a person could do if they over came that fear.  Parasailing, decending a mountain, jumping from a plane.... I hate being the center of attention..... I rememeber having to play at a recital for one of my piano lessons and I lost it.  I shook like you wouldn't believe in absolute fear (it was a 16 paged sonate)  I love singing but can't with a audience of...... one or any higher.  My ex told me back in the day I sound alot like Faith Hill.  Hmmm, I am guessing he heard me while in the shower.

I believe I am just your average Jane out there and have a hard time excepting compliments from others.  I could use a touch more weight as I only weigh 102 pounds. I am 5 feet tall but wish I were taller.... wish I were shorter.... :)  I wish I had a bigger chest. There are so many dresses and outfits that I wish I could wear and look great in.  Instead they hang in my closet and I cry thinking about it.  I wish I had blue eyes for they make me look totally different almost exotic... my very dark eyes, I find, boring. I wish I had thicker hair as mine is very fine..... I could go on but I think I'm getting depressed now....   

What I admire in a man is his heart and soul..... the willingness to open up and talk about anything, the ability to cry infront of me and not be ashamed of it, the hopeless romantic that he can be... I want to be the person who helps him become the man he always wanted to be.... I want him to help me be so much more than I already am.  The initial attraction is found in his smile and his eyes.... I'll take a look at the ass too just to check it out.  :) it doesn't hurt.   

I would imagine there's more to say but this alone has already taken a good 3 hours.... and I could always edit and add later I suppose.  I don't know if this helped out any. It might be something that I end up deleting.  But all in all I hope you understand who I am a bit better and where it is that I am coming from when I am venting/joking around. 

Thank you for taking the time out.........  :)  All the best to you & your future endeavours!

TODAY, YOU WERE MISSED... MORE THAN YOU KNOW.

I actually thought for some strange reason, I would see you today.

A dream of mine... is to be given the chance to LOVE someone as much as I want to be loved in return. To experience that UNDYING, UNCONDITIONAL love... to know he'll ALWAYS be there should I happen to fall, to know I will always be there IF he should fall. To laugh with and never be judged, to cry with and never feel ashamed, to understand me and not feel alone, to respect me and show patience.  I want the FAIRYTALE...